TROUBLES I HAVE FACED, BUT GOD…In the Midst of Anger

June will feature Devotionals written by our GBFC Youth. It is good to read godly inspiration from our youth. Be encouraged by God's Word working in the hearts of our young people.

I think my biggest trouble has been keeping a consistent fellowship with the Lord. I struggled with consistency first because of schoolwork and other things being “more important” in my eyes even though I know they weren’t. When it came to my last semester, I became even more distant because of the death of a recent alumna of my college. She was 22. I know this was an opportunity for me to get closer to the Lord, but I didn’t try to recover from it at all. I think I wanted to go straight from mourning to praise. The day I found out, I tried to praise the Lord because I knew she knew Him, but no matter how hard I tried to praise Him, I just kept getting angry over and over. I just couldn’t understand why He would take her at such a young age. To me, it didn’t seem fair. She had so much of a career ahead of her and could have served in His ministry to a great extent, in my mind, only because I couldn’t understand God’s plan. That anger manifested itself in me not talking to the Lord except occasionally at night or right before a performance. I also took on more responsibilities to distract myself from my sadness. I struggled with mourning the death of someone that was close to my own age. I was already struggling with my stronger emotions before this, sometimes I couldn’t cry for months. The only exceptions were death. So I struggled with handling my emotions, struggled with schoolwork/work/social life, and struggled with my fellowship with Christ and wouldn’t even ask Him for help. I even felt ashamed because I didn’t already “fix” myself.

My “but God” is the fact that I know He was the one Who kept me through it all. He kept me safe and even let me be productive when I wasn’t seeking His kingdom with my whole heart. He even let me come back home safely and listen to Pastor’s sermon. He showed me his graciousness. I realize that I also can’t be a useful tool until I’m aligned with Him. Knowing this, it is the application of digging back in His Word and pursuing that fellowship again, which I feel will be very hard for me, but is the only way to restore my fellowship with Him.

PRAYER: Lord, I thank You for keeping me even when I wanted nothing to do with You. Thank you for showing me Your grace and mercy even when I was angry, and thank You for never abandoning me. Forgive me for my anger and lack of understanding. Please stay by the sides of those who are also angry right now. I don’t think I will ever fully understand how You move, but I just need to trust that it will always be for Your greater purpose. Please let me still help with that purpose and carry on my sister’s testimony as I build my own. In Jesus’s name I pray, Amen.
By Sis. Chloe Smith